Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
