So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
