he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
