grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
