I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
