are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
