I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
