Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
