He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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