question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
