Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
