i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
