So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
