Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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