omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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