i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
