Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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