We're facebook friends in real life
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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