Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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