Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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