glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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