Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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