its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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