That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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