god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
