There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
