when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
