He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
