Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She needs sedatives and a leash
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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