Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
