At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize