It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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