Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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