I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
