Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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