When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
