So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
