I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
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I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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