I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
