Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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