Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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