I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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