Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
