True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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