Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
