Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
did you just send me my own nude
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
