Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
