you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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