I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My cat gives me a boner
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
