no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
