He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
