im six kinds of drunk right now
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
