so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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