Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
