i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
