ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
