I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
