Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
