I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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