Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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