you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
