i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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