Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why are your pants in the freezer?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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