i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
A+ Viking dick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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