dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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