it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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