Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
