i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
