You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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