Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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