We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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