You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
