What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
too bad you live with your parents still
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
