Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
